Questions, answered plainly — including the one you are too polite to ask.
Is this a joke?
Gently, yes. LeerHaus is a work of satire — a straight-faced send-up of luxury retail and its talent for selling beautifully packaged nothing. The objects, however, are entirely real. Place an order and we will genuinely dispatch what the listing describes, which is more often than not very little. You pay real money and receive a real, if minimal, thing; your statutory rights apply in full.
So I actually receive something?
You do. Each piece is exactly as described — a genuine blank canvas, a sealed pouch of pre-melted ice, a jar of Oxfordshire air, and so on. What is described as nothing is, faithfully, nothing; and it is dispatched as such.
How long does delivery take?
We aim to dispatch within three working days, in a considered box. Nothing should settle in transit; should it do so, it was always going to. You may also collect in person from Didcot by prior arrangement — select Collect from Didcot at checkout.
Can I return it?
Yes. As a UK consumer you may cancel within 14 days for any reason. The full procedure is set out on our Returns & Refunds page.
Is Premium Silence really ten minutes of nothing?
It is: a studio-mastered, ten-minute recording of complete silence, supplied as an instant download. No pops, no hiss, no content. Once the download has begun, the right to cancel is — necessarily — lost.
Are the prices serious?
As serious as anything here. Prices are in pounds sterling and include VAT. What you pay is what is shown; what you receive is, by design, considerably less.
How do I reach you?
Write to [email protected]. Enquiries are received with interest and answered in due course — see also Enquiries.
Little is promised, and less delivered. The delivery, at least, is real.